Mitsukake's Bad Day
by Kurt Kalata
Summary: Our favorite seishii battles fate to come out on top


Mitsukake's Bad Day  
  
By Kurt Kalata - kkalata@ramapo.edu  
  
9:02 AM  
  
Mitsukake threw open the doors of the bar he was just in, stumbled out into the streets, and began to wander through town. He wasn't feeling very well. It was barely beyond dawn and he was already piss drunk.   
  
The slovenly doctor didn't really have any goal to his wanderings, so he just sort of let his instinct pick his direction. The pitiable seishii just had one hope: that wherever he ended up, it would better than where he was now.  
  
Which, in theory, shouldn't be hard. By any measure, he had pretty much hit the bottom of the barrel.  
  
As he tripped down the middle of the street, he happened upon some kindly young childen, who greeted the stately warrior with a smile. He nodded, politely vomited on them, then swayed off towards the city limits.   
  
Not far beyond the town, Mitsukake noticed a poor injured bird on the side of the road. It chirped, as if to cry out for some handsome savior to come to its rescue, to make it fly again.  
  
Mitsukake stood tall and proud. Yes, he would do something right. Yes, HE would be that bird's savior.  
  
He kneeled down and spoke calmly. "Don't worry little bird. Stay calm and I will heal you." At least, that's what he thought he said. In reality, it was more something along the lines of "Dun worry lil bir Ijustcan'tFIVEDOLLARS*hic*owmy~~head".  
  
He held his well-worn hands over the shivering sparrow. A radiant glow eminated from his palms, bright with the glow with healing.  
  
The bird chirped its last chirp as it was set ablaze in a firely explosion, and its soul ascended towards the heavens.  
  
Mitsukake realized his blunder, silently cursed himself, got back on his feet and proceeded to wander into the forest.  
  
It didn't take long for the noble hero to find a nice spot to grass to take a nap in. The soothing river calmed his nerves as his body decided to lose all hope and give up consciousness.  
  
2:17 PM  
  
Mitsukake woke up in a bed, and quickly realized that he was not wearing any pants. He turned over on his side and his face ended up muzzled in a flowing river of long purple hair.  
  
Nuriko.  
  
Not again.  
  
The regrettable sage sighed and rolled out of bed, beginning his desperate and still drunken search for some articles of clothing. As he walked towards the window, he gazed the mirror on the wall. The diminuative male sighed. That jerk, Tamahome. Just because HIS equipment was soooooo much more impressive, he could just HAVE Miaka? What made HIM so big and special?  
  
Once again, Mitsukake shut his eyes, closed out all such thoughts and headed toward the window. The still bright sun hurt his eyes, but he opened the shutters and looked down on the street.  
  
"Hey, Mitsukake!" a little child's voice called out. Chiriko came running into view. "I found your pants! But what are they doing out here?"   
  
Mitsukake grumbled and asked for the wise young'un to return his goddamned pants or he was gonna do horrible, unspeakable things to him and that whore mother of his. The child, used to this sort of verbal abuse, giggled and tossed the articles of clothing into the window.  
  
The stately gentlemen resumed his dressing, put on his handband, and wandered downstairs.   
  
As his foot reached the bottom step, his sunshine stepped into view. His one, his only, Miaka. He shyly smiled and approached her, cycling in his mind possible greetings for his morning mistress.  
  
"Good morning Miaka? Did you sleep well?"  
  
"Well, Miaka! You look quite striking this morning!"  
  
"Miaka! I must take you out back and have my way with you!"  
  
No. Scratch that last one. By the time Miaka was actually next to Mitsukake, he was just scratching the back of his head and grinning moronilly.   
  
It was at this moment when the young mistress of Suzaku slapped him in the face, slugged him in the gut, kicked him several times in the shins and spit in his eye.  
  
"Where were you, you lazy ASSHOLE!!?!? Tamahome's family was just BRUTALLYMURDERED?!?! And where did you go? Why couldn't you be there to heal them! YOU WORTHLESS SCUM!"  
  
"But, mistress Miaka! If they were already dead, there would be nothing I could do!" the lonely healer protested.  
  
"It doesn't matter! You could have been there! WHY!?!? I HATE YOU!!!!" She furthed pounded on his manly chest before she gave up and ran away in a steam of tears.  
  
"Yeah, you jerk." Tasuki said as he walked past, hit Mitsukake on the head with his fan thingy and continued to stalk Miaka all the way back to her room.  
  
With his spirits once again drained, Mitsukake left the hotel in search of solace.  
  
4:32 PM  
  
Chiriko once again happened upon Mitsukake, who was busy playing with some pebbles in a lonely, dark corner. "Hey, Mitsukake-oniisan! Whatcha doin'?"  
  
At first, Mitsukake calmly told the boy that if he didn't shut the hell up, he'd ram these fucking stones down the kids throat and watch him excrete it out, but he slowly regained some seblance of sense and began to spill his guts.  
  
He had separated his stones into two piles.  
  
"You see, Chiriko? This pile of stones represents me. There are twenty two stones, because I am twenty two years old." He turned to the next pile. "This is Miaka's pile of stones. There are fifteen stones, because she is fifteen years old."  
  
Chiriko sighed and silently asked Suzaku why on earth he was paired with this dimbolt. But his kindly side kicked in as he paid attention to more of the insane man's ramblings.  
  
"You see how my pile of stones is bigger than her pile of stones? That is what worries me! Maybe if I had less stones, then my...my Miaka would flock towards me!"  
  
Chiriko was honestly concerned for a few seconds before realizing there was no logical advice that he could give to Mitsukake. He had already read The Universe of the Four Gods, and he knew Miaka ended up with Tamahome in the end. Well, he didn't read ALL of it. He just sorta skipped to the last page. It was obvious anyway. And nothing could really change that bit of fate. But Chiriko, smart little Chiriko, had a plan.  
  
"Cheer up, onii-san! Here!" Chiriko took four stones from Mitsukake's pile and tossed them into Miaka's pile. "See? Now the piles are almost the same exact size! You needn't worry anymore."  
  
It took longer than it feasibly should have, but once Mitsukake was finished counting, he cried out in joy! "Oh, Chiriko! You've solved my problems! We each have nearly the same amount of stones! You truly are the wisest one! I  
thank you! Our love shall cross all boundaries!"  
  
Chiriko smiled and walked away, silently chuckling at himself.  
  
6:42  
  
After spending a few hours skipping and frolicking in the woods, Mitsukake walked back into town, confident and healthy.   
  
All of that genkiness was lost when he saw the bloody corpse of his cat in the middle of the street.   
  
"TAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" the weeping protagonist called out no one in particular. Which was just as well, because no one in the vicinity cared, except for an angry gentlemen sitting on a nearby porch, who threw a fish at the weeping sod and told him to quiet down.  
  
Tears flowed down the cheeks of Mitsukake like a neverending waterfall. He recalled all of the good times him and his cat had together. He remembered the first time that he discovered the poor cat in the cold, and healed its broken leg. He remembered the first time he stole some milk from the local milksmith in order to feed him, and how that angry milksmith beat the hell out of him for it. He wondered what life would be like if Tama the Cat would live, just live, so they could return to Miaka's world and go shopping for flea collars and catnip.  
  
It was then that he heard a sadistic laughter.  
  
"Come, old man! I have you right where I want you!" The Seiryuu warrior Suboshi jumped from the rooftops, yo-yo thingy in hand.  
  
"I will avenge the life of my Tama! Evil warrior, I cannot let you continue with your evil deeds! No longer will my mistress Miaka fall prey to your wicked doings! To take away life is horrible - to give life is  
honorable! This will be your las-"  
  
The yo-yo thingy made contact with Mitsukake's forehead, causing him to collapse quite quickly on the ground.  
  
  
7:55 PM  
  
Mitsukake was relatively sure he wasn't awake, which was good, because he wasn't. He was still quite unconscious. But in his dreams, his vision, a red-haired, well-built appararition approached him.  
  
"Mitsukake, healer of the Suzaku Shichi Seishi! I have arrived...here, to give you advice. I...am Touya." The young lad stepped into view, wearing a t-shirt that said, in large bold letters, "TRAGIC".  
  
"I know you are lost. That you think you can not be with the one you love. But be strong. Pity...will do amazing things with women. Look...at me. I...lost my memories...lost my first love...had a terrible, tragic  
childhood...can have no emotions...can barely react on my own will...and yet, I get chicks. Women are attracted to this...who they think they can care for. They will cry for you...will pity you...and soon, will lust for  
you..."   
  
Out of nowhere, two deliciously beautiful young women, one with long blond hair, the other with purple hair, come up to Touya's side and grabbed him away.  
  
The vision ended, but Mitsukake was too lazy to wake up, so he continued to snooze.  
  
  
  
9:08 PM  
  
When Mitsukake finally awoke, he held his head, which was still bleeding. When his eyesight returned, his eyes focused on the one thing that made him happy, that made him joyous that Suboshi had not, apparently, brutally murdered him.  
  
Miaka.  
  
MIAKA.  
  
He wanted to cry out for joy, but once again, he sort of gave off a small, shy smile.  
  
"Oh, you're awake." Miaka said. "That's good."  
  
"Hey, who are you talking to?" asked Tamahome, not far away. He wandered over to Mitsukake, who was still lying disabled on the ground. He put his hand forward, suggesting a handshake.  
  
"Hi! I don't think we've met before! I'm Tamahome, Miaka's lover. And who...might you be?" he said.  
  
"Tamahome! This is Mitsukake! One of the Seishii I've gathered to help me summon Sukazu!" Miaka responded, slightly miffed.  
  
"Oh!" Tamahome turned red and laughed. "I must have forgotten! How silly of me!" He continued to laugh.  
  
It was at this point that Miaka left the incompetant seishii at her feet and ran into her boyfriend's arm. She began laughing. "That's our Tamahome!" The couple continued to laugh as they exited the room, ignoring their injured comrade completely.  
  
The forlorn mage felt his heart sink as he watched his second true love walk out the door. Once again, he cursed him and himself, and tried to get some sleep.  
  
  
10:41 PM  
  
"Oh...Miaka...aishiteru!"  
  
"Tama-home! Oh...I...ahhhh"  
  
"Miaka! I will forever protect you!  
  
"Yes, TAMA-HOME. YES!"  
  
"Oh, Miaka, until the end of the earth, I will be by your side."  
  
"Tama-home! I..can't take it...any more! Please...put it in!"  
  
"But...Miaka...I shouldn't dirty your pure heart..."  
  
"Tama-home! I want to get married...and be with you always! Ahhh....AHHHH...why...oookkiii!"  
  
"Mi...aka...so...good...I...love you!"  
  
"A....atsui, Tama-home! Sooo...soo hot!"  
  
Mitsukake tried to cover his ears as these words, coupled with various grunts and moans, penetrated through the walls from where he was sleeping. All he could do was let his hands wander beneath his waist and think pleasant thoughts.  
  
The End.  
  
AUTHORS NOTES:  
  
There's not much to say, really. A wacky idea popped into my head in the middle of watching Ayashi no Ceres, so I took a few hours to type that wacky idea up, and here it is. If I could actually draw, I wanted to toss Mitsukake and Touya (from Ayashi no Ceres) in their own comic, since they're easily the most mockable characters of any Yuu Watase manga I've read. But alas, I'm much better with words than stick figures.  
  
Thanks go to Neko-chan (whose belief that Mitsukake is little more than scenery is primarily what inspired this fic), Aque-chan (for lending me, and virtually watching Fushigi Yuugi with me) and Jed-chan (for random facts when I was writing this.)   
  
COMING SOON IN THE SERIES OF FANFICS THAT WILL NEVER, EVER BE WRITTEN:  
  
Happy Birthday, Nakago!  
Tomo Finds a Friend  
Chiriko Meets the Triple Breasted Whore of Eroticon Six  
  
  
  



End file.
